Let me start by saying that just the thought of writing this post makes me uncomfortable.  I know that most articles about the plight of the light skinned girl are met with eye rolls and disdain. This isn’t really that though and that is another topic for another post. What I want to address here is the discomfort and annoyance that I feel as a black women when singled out as a light skinned women.

 I most recently experienced this while getting my nails done. There was a woman seated next to me who was brown skinned and also getting a manicure. As her Vietnamese manicurist was working, she was carrying on a conversation with the girl doing my nails and somehow the conversation came to my skin tone. * Let me pause here to say that I frequent this nail shop and avoid this particular manicurist because she always comes off as messy and two faced to me, not my cup of tea, but back to the story.* Initially she complimented me on my skin tone which I responded to by politely smiling and saying thank you but then she kept going. Now, I already have a hard time accepting compliments but as she and my manicurist continued going on and on I really began to be bothered.  I was very aware of the fact that I was sitting next to a brown skinned woman who was almost being completely ignored while I was being praised for my complexion. I was aware that this woman who had come to have a peaceful and pampering moment was now faced with the same bs that she had probably experience her whole life.

Here’s the thing though, I have absolutely no idea what was actually going through this woman’s mind. For all I know she wasn’t paying any attention to what these women were saying. Maybe she could care less about two strangers commenting on a third stranger’s complexion because she is comfortable in her own skin. I am not though, and I felt the need *read guilt* to join in the conversation. I let them know that while I appreciated the compliments I actually couldn’t wait to trade my “winter coloring” for a summer tan. Insult to injury right? If this woman was bothered by the conversation, adding my two cents about wanting a darker skin tone was probably less comforting and more annoying than anything.

White guilt is defined as the guilt felt by some white people for harm resulting from racist treatment of ethnic minorities by other white people both historically and currently. What I was doing was a result of my “light guilt”. Speaking solely for myself, I define light guilt as the guilt I feel after witnessing, reading and being included in the ongoing colorism that the black community has been plagued with since slavery. Many times in my life, like at the nail shop, I have felt the need to atone for my skin tone in order to be better accepted into my own community. To show that I am not another stereotypical stuck up light skinned girl that thinks she’s better, prettier or smarter than everyone else. I am not that girl and I am not my skin tone, yet and still, I carry my light guilt.