After the Storm

I think it’s safe to say that the last year hasn’t gone as planned  for most people. A global pandemic will do that. A year ago today, the pandemic was on my radar but only because it was potentially going to affect a trip to Spain I had planned for my mom. My biggest concern was how I was going to get her on the plane despite the growing number of Covid-19 cases. Being  raised in what felt like an overprotective environment, I’d learned to expect not so subtle suggestions to change my plans. So when my grandfather called me on March 2nd to talk me out of the trip because of his concerns I told him it would be fine and I had no intention of cancelling my trip. What I did do once I hung up with him was ask God for a sign - If it was truly a bad idea to go on the trip just give me a little sign. A LITTLE SIGN, God! I went to bed in my freshly changed sheets and quickly fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later but wasn’t sure why at the time. I couldn’t fall back to sleep and after about 5 minutes of tossing and turning I heard tornado sirens outside. Typically I ignored these sirens because in the 14 years I'd spent in Nashville I had never seen a tornado come close to downtown. Plus, I lived on the top floor of my apartment so there wasn’t exactly anywhere for me to really go. This night was different though, something told me to get up and look out my living room window. The sky was dark and as I looked out onto Jefferson Street, I could see the street lights swinging in the wind. Not a good sign but I still wasn’t concerned. Then my emergency notification went off on my phone. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to just sit in the bathtub until the tornado warning expired. I figured I’d be sitting in the tub for 20 minutes tops and then go back to sleep. Almost as soon as I sat in the tub everything went dark. All the power in my apartment went out, I quickly grabbed the towels that were hanging by the tub and assumed the tornado position I was taught back in elementary school drills. Shit just got real. Everyone says a tornado sounds like a train and maybe it does but that’s not what I remember. I heard the glass windows shattering, I heard everything being destroyed around me, and I remember my thoughts. I wasn’t scared while it was happening, I didn’t really have time to be scared. I prayed because when it felt like the tornado was right over me I just knew it was the end and fully expected to be lifted into the sky at any minute. The only time I felt fear was when I realized the roof was gone and I was fully exposed to the elements. It had started raining and when I removed the towels from my head and looked up all I saw was a dark sky. My thought was I was a sitting duck if another tornado was going to come through. For about 2 minutes I let myself sit there scared while trying to figure out what to do. I made it out of the bathroom and quickly took a picture of my violently remodeled living room before grabbing boots and making my way out of the apartment I had loved so much.

That night and the following months taught me a lot about myself. You don’t truly know your strength until it is tested. I felt like I had unlocked another layer of mental and physical strength that night (I had to move beams from blocking my exit). Once I was in the parking lot of my complex I started calling friends that lived near to check on them, not once considering I didn’t have a way to leave since my car was also destroyed by debris. Not caring that I was standing in the parking lot with all my neighbors in just a t-shirt and combat boots. I felt calm if not a little amped on adrenaline. At the beginning of 2020 I decided my word for the year would be vulnerable and here I was, literally forced into that state. One of my neighbors generously offered me some sweats and a nearby friend called to check on me and took it upon himself to rescue me and let me stay with him for the rest of the night. I asked God for a sign about taking a trip and he sent me several for my immediate future. Being someone that hates to ask for help or impose on anyone I now had to lean on my support system. I moved into my best friends house for 2 months and she never complained once. Friends, family and acquaintances reached out and offered help of all forms. Part of the reason I used to be reluctant to ask for help is because I wasn’t sure people would show up for me but now people were coming out of the woodwork. There were others that were noticeably absent and I valued that sign as well. The tornado was an aggressive shake of my Etch-a Sketch. I was very comfortable in Nashville, complacent really. I had some routines and relationships that no longer served a positive purpose in my life but were familiar and had it not been for something drastic I wouldn’t have let go. With nothing physically tying me to Nashville I was able to transfer my job to California. I had been toying with the idea for a year and now a path had been cleared. It was four days after the tornado, I was standing again in the parking lot of my apartment complex waiting to get access to my apartment, when my manager called to tell me my transfer to San Francisco had been approved. I was closing one chapter but the next was looking promising. Almost two months to the day, I moved across the country in the middle of a pandemic with everything I owned in 2 suitcases and a duffle bag. I was taking the next step of my new life, after the storm.